Friday, October 10, 2025
The Problem with External Validation
(And how to build your inner self-worth as a teacher.)
As teachers, we’re constantly juggling expectations—from administrators, students, parents, and even ourselves. One of our favorite things is receiving positive feedback when we meet those expectations. However, while we may not talk about it often, one of the biggest hidden teacher burnout causes is tying our self-worth to that external validation. Here's why.
Read on to Learn:
- Why relying on external validation keeps teachers stuck in stress cycles.
- How to start building confidence that doesn’t depend on the approval of others.
- Practical strategies to strengthen your self-worth in and out of the classroom.
I learned this lesson the hard way.
A few years back, I was asked to take over teaching an advanced class. It was a coveted position and I admit to being very flattered that I had been asked. In fact, I took the offer as a real compliment and my confidence soared.
I spent hours preparing for this class: I was doing the work, putting in the planning, and felt ready to take it on. But then one day just before I was set to take over the course, someone I respected made a passing, casual comment about me teaching it. It wasn’t intended to be harsh or critical—but it definitely struck a nerve igniting my own hidden insecurity.
Suddenly, my confidence cracked. My brain jumped from:
"Can I really teach this advanced class?" to:
"Maybe I’m not a good teacher at all?" to:
"Maybe I’m not enough."
In the space of a few moments, it felt like my entire world had shifted and I was questioning everything from my abilities and experience as a teacher to my own personal self-worth!
All because I was looking to sources outside of me to tell me I was enough.
The Problem With External Self-Worth
When our sense of value comes from what’s happening around us, we’re constantly on shaky ground. If we get positive feedback, we feel on top of the world. But the second something goes wrong—a student pushes back, an administrator is critical, a parent complains—our worth feels like it’s crumbling.
That cycle is exhausting, and it’s one of the most overlooked teacher burnout causes.
Here’s why relying on external validation doesn’t work:
1. It’s never enough. Even if you get praise, likes, or recognition, it fades quickly and you’re left chasing the next “fix.” And that is utterly exhausting.
2. It won’t always be there. Circumstances change. Students misbehave. Parents complain. Popular opinion shifts. At some point, you won't receive that external validation you're seeking.
If your worth is built on things outside of you, the chase to prove your own self-worth never ends and burnout becomes inevitable.
Your self-worth isn’t tied to your lesson plans, test scores, or even whether students think you’re their “favorite teacher.”
Your worth is infinite, unshakable, and set from the moment you existed. You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to prove it. It just is.
The real work is reminding yourself of that truth—especially when external circumstances don’t reflect it.
A Simple Practice for Teacher Burnout Prevention
Next time you feel your confidence wobble, pause and ask:
Am I letting something outside of me determine how I feel about myself?
What would change if I remembered my worth doesn’t shift, no matter what happens?
When you know your self-worth internally, you stop riding the rollercoaster of external validation. And in doing so, you remove one of the biggest causes of teacher burnout—the constant chase to “be enough” in other people’s eyes.
What's more, when you stop exerting so much energy on the never-ending chase, you have more time and resources to put towards the things that matter to you: your family and friends, your students, you community.
Friend, you already are enough. Always.
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They didn't teach us this in college!
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Teacher, it's not YOU.
It's your BRAIN!
You’re staring at a mountain of ungraded papers, "that" parent just emailed again, and your lunch is still sitting untouched.
You wonder, “Why can’t I handle this better? What’s wrong with me?”
The truth?
Nothing.
Your brain is doing exactly what it’s wired to do—protect you by scanning for danger, anticipating problems, and staying on high alert. In other words, it’s trying to help... but it’s efforts often work against you becoming the calm, confident teacher you want to be.
That’s where I come in. I help teachers understand their brain’s survival patterns—and train them to work with those patterns instead of fighting them.
Want to learn how to reset your mental autopilot and feel better?
Let’s talk. Grab a FREE 30-minute coaching session and take the first step toward a calmer, more in-control classroom (and life).
Hi, I'm Brenna Nelson, a long-time educator turned Certified Life Coach for Teachers.
I help teachers, just like you, learn how to process emotions, regulate their hyperactivated nervous systems, manage their brains, and create a life they love!
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Brenna Nelson
Long-time Educator turned Certified Life Coach
Welcome to The Strength of Teachers Blog! Here we share real-life skills and practical applications that you can implement in your teacher life today!
Teachers Did Not Learn this in College!
Come learn what our college professors failed to teach us in college:
How to manage the emotional toll of life in the classroom!
